The Tears of Fear

I was just going through this past day thinking about all that happened.  It was a great day.  Although I got no sleep the night before I still had an amazing time at my Baby Shower my Mother in law and ladies from church planned.  It was this nice big event for Joel, myself, and the baby.  There was great food, and we decorated onesies then opened gifts.  It was a great treat.  Although all the attention was very overwhelming it was nice to see everyone there celebrating a Life with us.

The other night I watched a video on youtube called "The Silent Scream."  My God-Mother told me about it.  Its a Pro-Life anti-abortion video made sometime in the 80's I think.  It was a video that described what an abortion was, how they were performed, and then for the first time, they showed a ultrasound video of a baby being aborted at 12 weeks.  I was appalled to find out how gruesome our society is to think that a little human being can't feel pain.  It may be a "Fetus" but it still has instincts and is still a human.  The beginning of the ultrasound video was interesting to watch.  This tiny little being was sucking his thumb and was at a relaxed state so innocent, then they started the procedure and to see this tiny little defenseless baby try to move away,  that he actually screamed in the womb was just mortifying to watch.  I cried after I watched it and told Joel about it.  I think that video really just struck a nerve.  We're so arrogant as humans.  Taking life for granted in so many ways.  I just wished I could save that poor little guy.

Along with that video I've been going through this emotional roller coaster.  It's probably a mix of hormones and pre-baby jitters but it's still getting to me.  Right after the baby shower I immediately got my nesting bug on and started to organize everything.  Then after exhausting my body I sat down looked at all the stuff and started crying.  It felt like most of this pregnancy was just me playing house and now reality is setting in and I'm having this baby really soon.  I'm literally scared!   My fears of not being a good enough Mom.  Having to make decisions for a little infant is scary to me.  They can't tell me what's wrong or if they're hungry.  Once Joel and all my family goes back to work and home... I'll be home alone with this baby.  I've never had that before. I know once I see this baby and make that bond... there is no breaking it.  And I know that I am ready to be a Mom but it still doesn't stop me from being scared of it... it's so unknown... uncharted territory.

On top of that I'm terrified of going into labor.  I don't know if I can handle the pain.. I want to experience the birth at its full potential and I don't want to disappoint myself and get a epidural nor do I want to suffer in pain for however many hours it takes. And the fear of something happening to me or the baby weighs on my mind.  I'm fully aware that my baby is on the larger side.. what if I can't push the guy out!? I fear getting a c-section.  I'll do it if its necessary but if I were to choose I wouldn't do it otherwise.  I want to be able to hold my baby after he/she is born.  And feel that relief of endorphins and happiness that I did all this work and got the greatest gift God could ever grant us.

I guess this is just my way of venting all my fears.  This whole pregnancy has been a bumpy road for me.. I'm just hoping labor goes smoothly.  And that my motherly instincts kick in.  Oye I feel like crying for no reason except to just cry. Things will be better when Joel gets home.  He always knows how to make me feel better.  Thanks for listening to my rambles.  Goodnight.

Xoxo

Preparations for the Big Day!

Today I am 35 weeks!

~>>>"HAPPY DANCE"<<<~

I have about give or take 4 weeks left in this Pregnancy and now its officially time to prepare for labor!  I'm the kind of girl who likes to be aware of her surroundings and be super prepared for all scenarios even if it'll most likely never happen.  So yes I am also one of those girls who over pack for overnight trips as well! Ha ha.  I'm getting better at down sizing but I still need to work on that!

I got my birth plan all squared away tho!  I did my research and I know pretty much what I want in all scenarios; although "a baby" is a scenario that I can't prepare for quite yet.  That's a whole other ball park! I do have my hospital bag packed as well!  There are just a few things missing that we'll hopefully throw in before we leave! (Yeah Right) 

Tomorrow is my first official Baby Shower!  I'm super duper excited about it!  I love parties and presents! Although all the attention is a little overwhelming I do love it!  Course tomorrow is all about baby Odo so lots of Tummy Rubs and predictions of if its a girl or boy... I'm sure of it! It's fun hearing all the wives tales about pregnancy.

I'm pretty sure my body is preparing for this baby's debut.  Every night I have those annoying Braxton Hicks contractions... which irritates Odo who squashes my bladder which makes me pee and then it happens all over again! lol never a dull moment I'm telling you. I'm not sure if we announced the baby's names whether she's a girl or he's a boy.  

GIRL NAME: Rachel Sophia

BOY NAME:   Kyle Michael 

We picked Rachel Sophia for a girl because Sophia is my Saint name is very important to me.  The name Rachel just came to me tho.  I couldn't get the name out of my mind when I found out I was pregnant.  So I thought it was for a reason.

We picked Kyle Michael for the boy name because Kyle was the name of Joel's best friend who passed away in a car accident that they were all in 10 years ago.  Michael is after my Dad =)  Its a strong male name and I felt like it was appropriate.  We'll be calling him "Mikey" for short if its a boy since I already have friends and a cousin named Kyle.

I'm super excited that the day is getting closer but it still seems so far away to me.  I just can't wait to have this beautiful baby in my arms.  See who he/she looks like the most and to be parents.  I'm so ready for this.  

XOXO

A Pregnant Gal's Life

The under shirt that barely fits me.

The Scrubs Joel thought that would look
cute on me =P

So today when I woke up and tried to get dressed every single shirt I tried on didn't fit!  Now keep in mind I was wearing these shirts 2 weeks ago and they fit me then! So I got really frustrated and just decided I didn't want to get dressed!  So Joel took that as a sign for him to step up and take charge of the situation.  So he rummaged through his closet and found a huge (XL) Scrub top and gave me his gym pants and a white undershirt.  He said now you have to wear this all day cause its my day to dress you however I want to! He makes me laugh. =) 


Then I got a phone call today from the hospital saying my insurance wasn't going thru and that I had to pay $300 for my appointment on thurs!  So we called up my insurance and I was furious cause you can't stop insurance so no reason for a PREGNANT GAL! Eventually we talked to someone who finally knew what they were talking about and actually realized their mistake and apologized for closing my insurance cause they did it illegally and without any consent so that made me feel better.  


I've been testing my blood sugars all day today and I'm so proud of myself that my sugars have been stable! Yay! Healthy Baby! I'm excited for my NST on Thurs ( Non-Stress Test).  Little Odo is so funny when we go to those appointments.  Like last week I think he was asleep at first so we could hear his heartbeat but he wasn't really in the moving mood.  Then all of a sudden Odo got the hiccups.  Now for my NST's I have to click this button every time I feel the baby move.  And since he had the hiccups I had to record every single hiccup! LOL Have in mind this lasted for like 4 minutes! Haha It was pretty funny! 


I have physical therapy today!  I have to go because of my hips.  I have something called "Pelvic Shearing' where my hips either tilt forward or back and distort my tailbone... yeah it hurts! So I go to get it adjusted and strengthen my muscles.  I always feel so much better afterwards =)

Hummm what else is going on in our lives... OH! We taught our 2 cats how to sit!!! Every time we feed them or give them a treat they have to sit!  Its so cute!  Now when we have food they want they just come up to us and sit and stare... like they're expecting to get something.  

Well so far that is pretty much it..  I hope you all have a SUN-SHINING DAY! =D


XOXO  

My Little Jelly Bean

My little Odo

Seems like these past 8 months have flown by.  It's hard to believe that Joel and I made this little miracle, bundle of joy and he or she will be in our lives eternally! Its amazing what our bodies can do.  How God designed us to be so unique and capable of creating life from just an egg and a little fishy; that's nothing but the size of a spec! 9 months later and this baby is a human being.  He can hear everything I am saying (altho he probably doesn't understand me) and every time we attend a church service he dances to the hymns of the church.  

9 weeks 4 days

11 weeks

I can't wait to count all his toes and fingers.  And call him/her by his real name.  Sing happy birthday and eventually have my body back as well.  I've forgotten what it feels like to lounge around lol.   

20 weeks (Our Gerber Baby)

24 weeks (He was opening and closing his eyes)

28 weeks ( look at all that hair)

His cute little toes!

What a happy camper

Our baby at, 28 weeks, weighted in at 5 lbs 10 oz. A little on the bigger side but still within normal range.  He has tons of hair!!! And he's already practicing his breathing which lets me know that his lungs are developing perfectly!  I just want to squeeze those chubby cheeks!  So little Odo is doing fine and he or she will be here in no time!

XOXO

Been There Done That

My pregnancy thus far:

Up until my third trimester I was doing really well with the pregnancy both physically and emotionally.  Besides the once and a while Blood Pressure Spikes everything seemed to be going smoothly.  Then 28 weeks came and "BAM" I went to the hospital.  I was having these pains that I knew weren't normal and rushed to the Triage where they told me I wasn't in Labor but I was having PRE-TERM CONTRACTIONS.  Which means my body is practicing super early for this baby! lol So after they started to subside I thought all my worries were going away... Boy was I wrong. 

First Visit to the Hospital 

I had a sonogram to see the growth of the baby and the baby was perfect!  Except he/she was 87% above the normal birth weight! He was about a pound and a half bigger than all the other babies.  And on top of that I became the 1 in a MILLION pregnant girls who got PUPPPS (Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy).  Its a rash some lucky woman get that could just be a rash or it turns into itchy hives that spread all over your body.  Worst part is the only cure is having the baby delivered. I tried to find ways to soothe the pain and itching but it was literally making me go mad.  I had hives all over my body.  The only things that made it feel better was an ice cold wash cloth and hydro-cortisone. But it would only subside the symptoms for about an hour and then it would come back with a fury.  I finally ended up breaking down crying.  I called my midwife and was yet again rushed to the hospital.  The nurse told me that it had gotten so bad that it could've gone internal and clogged my throat.  Glory to God that didn't happen.  

My 3 day stay

I ended up being emitted into the hospital cause they had to put me on a bunch of medication and also test everything else that was going on with my body.  At that time I was told that I also had PIH (Pregnancy induced hypertension).  So they were monitoring everything! My Blood Pressure, my Pee, Blood Sugars, my PUPPPs, and the baby.  Thankfully after being there for 3 days I got some good results and answers back.  I didn't have PIH my blood pressure is high because of my kidneys (that's another story).  I already knew my blood sugars would be high because of the meds they were giving me.  The baby was happy and healthy.  And the PUPPPs stopped itching! I still have the rash but thankfully the hives were put to sleep! Yay!

It seemed like after that whole fiasco things started to get better.  I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes.  Which I've come to terms with.  And I've been on a diet so the doctors don't think it'll affect me or the baby in any way since we only have one more month to go.  Other than still having contractions, both Braxton Hicks and Pre-Term Contractions, things seem to be finally looking up.

<3 My husband Gave me Flowers <3

The baby is head down, at the moment at least, and is happy and healthy and kicking me a lot these days.  It seems like I've been through just about everything imaginable and yet I'd do it again in a heartbeat just to have this little guy a part of my life.  I'm really excited to be a Mom!

XOXO

What Happens when you Swallow a Watermelon Seed:

Belly Transformations:

Because yet again I've been avoiding blogging for such a long time I thought it was about time I shared to the  world my amazing Baby Belly.  Today I am currently 34 weeks Pregnant!  And about the size of a beautiful cow! lol Lots of things have been changing and preparing for this new arrival and as stressed and anxious as I am... this is probably the best thing (besides marrying Joel) that has ever happened to me.  I want to be the best person and parent for this child.  I ready to grow up and take responsibility for my life. This is going to be a tough road but this child is a miracle and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it as much as possible. 

12 Weeks

20 Weeks

24 weeks

28 Weeks

32 Weeks

But in a nut shell we'll have a beautiful Baby in less than 6 weeks.  I have more to share but I'll share more later since its getting late and I'm getting tired.  

XOXO

Reality Checks

Sorry I haven't been writing.  I've been avoiding writing for a while because I've been so stressed out with everything that's going on.  I'm 13 weeks Pregnant!  I will be 14 weeks this Friday!


Other than being pregnant it turns out we're moving again! lol We found a nice place closer into town and idk I feel like we're growing up finally.  We're even saving up for a washer and dryer machine.  LOL Only old people do that!  It'll be nice to have our own place at last.  We found out that no matter who you live with (Besides Spouses) there's always going to be conflict.  With Joel and I growing up to be good parents we have to beware of who we have in our lives cause they will influence our little ones.


Course Christmas is right around the corner and I'm super excited! I think Christmas is the one thing keeping me going so I'm not having anxiety attacks! I get so overwhelmed by the littlest things.  And soooo EMOTIONAL! Gah I love being Pregnant I just wish I had some kind of Pregnant Friend nearby.


I'm hoping that we can move before Christmas so I can sorta Decorate for the rest of December and the 40 days after!


Anyways I'm totally babbling cause I'm sleepy and I felt like writing something! lol I promise that I'll be more perky next time! lol


Xoxo