Well it's been 2 weeks since I've had little Kyle and boy has it been a long 2 weeks at that. I had no idea what I was getting myself into I can say that for sure. But all the same I wouldn't change a thing. As you know my recovery hasn't been the smoothest but I think I'm starting to finally feel better. I can bend down and pick things up... my swelling from my infection is going down slowly, and my hormones are starting to level out.
Preparing myself to be a Mom is harder than I thought. Not sleeping much isn't that bad but the times when Kyle cries and I feel like no matter what I do he won't stop... that's when it gets tough. He is one wide eyed booger! He likes to hold onto his ears whenever he's frustrated. He LOVES tummy time with Daddy. He can't help but move his arms and legs when he's excited about eating. He tries so hard to stay up with us all day... but ends up getting cranky if he doesn't sleep.
I must say my favorite part about this SO FAR is when he's fussy with Joel or gets a shot and is just crying up a storm... all I have to do is hold him in my arms and talk to him.. tell him everything's going to be alright and he calms right down and falls asleep in my arms! I LOVE HIM!
My not so favorite part about all of this is my self doubt. My milk production has been pretty slow starting because he wasn't latching on because I was so HUGE. And because of that my doubts got the best of me and I just gave up breastfeeding for a week or so. I was still pumping but even that felt like a chore. I just felt like he didn't want me. I'm so glad I have Joel through all of this because he's been encouraging me and helping me through all this hormonal self doubt. I did start to BF again and he has been latching! But I think I have to do it more and still bottle feed because my supply isn't to the amount he needs yet. But I hope I get there.
Next week I leave to my parents for 2 weeks. I really want to go but Joel won't be going so I know I'll be crying a whole lot. I'll be with the baby every night which will make me VERY exhausted and I know I'll be faced with the challenge of patience with some family members. I just hope that everyone is supportive this time around. If I hear one negative thing about Joel, myself, or Kyle... I might just kick someone's @$$! Excuse my french!
Although these weeks have been tough, I can say that overall I'm happy. After all my self doubt, fear, and negativity I have toward myself has come and gone... at the end of the day I still have this Beautiful Baby Boy laying in my arms. Looking up at me with his adorable wide eyed look... and I can't help but fall hopelessly in Love with him all over again. He is my Son. <3
Xoxo
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