But with all beauty there is always a downfall of some kind... and in my case it's trying to create a whole new life for our family. We don't have an Orthodox Church here so it's hard to plug ourselves in with similar people with the same religious values as us. Also, living with my parents is fun... but I miss feeling the independence of being on our own. Joel currently has two businesses he is working for. One is a Vocational work the other Financial Services. Both of which take time for income to start accumulating and also take some extra hard work if you want to succeed.
With money being scarce we're figuring out whether or not we should rent a home when the time is right or just buy?! But in order to that we need to be rolling in the doe! My mind is just spinning just thinking about all of this. I just don't feel organized or productive at all. A part of me just feels like a failure. Or even worse... a moocher. My mind and body are just so overwhelmed that I just want to shut down... give up... tell everyone that they were right I can't amount to anything...
But then I look at Kyle and I know I can't do that. If I become that person I will never forgive myself. Not when there is a little baby depending on me. I just don't know how I'm going to be able to convince everyone that I'm trying... we're trying... its only been a couple days and we're trying. I feel this unknown pressure of "I'm not doing good enough" "I need to do more!" Idk if that's good or bad... but I just need some time to get it all together... figure out what's next and to get it down.
I just wish I had some encouragement, that what I'm trying to do is the right thing... that I'm doing a good job... Keep it up! lol My confidence level is just not as high as it used to be... But maybe once I'm feeling better things will pick right up!
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