So Alone

I feel so alone this week more than I have ever felt in my entire life.  The only person who wants to take the time to get to know me is my husband.  I just don't belong anywhere.  I know I know people have lives I'm not saying that I don't have "friends" I just feel like nobody wants to be friends the way I treat my friends.


I'm a very understanding, always listening, anytime any place kind of person.  I used to have that in California but lately my friends in Cali are getting swept away in their lives that when I need to talk to someone, they're not there.  So maybe my new friends here want to listen to me since I listen to all their problems and help them get over issues.  And last night I realized that they just don't think of me that way either.


Yes when we're one on one maybe they'll listen to me.  But when I'm upset and everyone sees it I just wish someone would pull me aside and ask 'What's wrong?"  Is that so hard.  Just a little tiny bit of sympathy.  Cause I do have bad days and I do need someone anyone to listen just for a little bit.  I need that!  But I guess nobody sees me as a friend like that.


I don't like convincing people to be my friends, nor guilt-ing them, the last thing I want to for someone who doesn't want to be here listening to my problems.  I feel like I need to test everyone like to not talk to them at all and to see if maybe they'll come to me, maybe wanna hangout or want to know  why I didn't call them.  I don't know if I could actually do that since it makes me feel so bad and I just love my friends so much that I'd do anything for them... but them again would they do that same for me... probably not right now.


This is me Venting BTW so please don't get offended.  I just need someone to be there for me for at least some part of my life.